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Making friends with cats

Today I would like to talk about cats. I like cats. They are murderous little fiends that can be horrible for birds and smaller animals in habitats where they are not suited for, but in the ecosystem they are long term part of (or strictly in human homes), they can be a great joy. Provided you know how to interact with them. This improvised guide is certainly not fool proof (cats contain multitudes). But it sounds fun to write.

The gist of it

Cat are fearsome predators, but contrary to dogs for example, they are prey at the very same time. Learning to watch for behaviours corresponding to one or the other and giving the cat space is 80% of good human-cat etiquette in my limited experience.

Unrelated but important, if you find unsterilised stray cats, please consider contacting your local wild life services (and donating to them if you can). There are an estimated half billion cats, two third of them stray. They are surprisingly fertile and can decimate birds and other small animals. Besides, their reproductive habits can lead them to fight one another and get unnecessarily hurt as well, so please, take cat neutering seriously.

First impressions

You're meeting a new cat and want to be friends with it.

Do not go toward the cat. I repeat, do not go toward the cat. Usually, you are a stranger on its territory therefore friend or foe classification seems to activate for them. I would not advise to look them in the eyes either. I find that looking at roughly 45 degrees left or right, leaving the cat in the peripheral view works best. That way, you acknowledge its presence but do not fixate on it as a predator or contestant for its territory would. Slowly blinking is a nice way to say hello. Seeing if they reciprocate or to the contrary look with wide eyes is one way to estimate the currently achieved friendliness level.

Just stand there, like a big awkward clumsy cat. Cats are very curious. Most of the time, if you do as stated above, they will wonder what you are all about and come closer. Maybe so close that they start marking you with their scent by rubbing their flanks against your legs.

Now, it is very tempting to start petting the cat at that moment. If it's very friendly and used to humans, the manoeuvre has good potential to succeed. However, the chance of scratches/bites remains high. It's like going for a cheek kiss with a complete stranger as they just offered you their hand to shake.

Therefore, instead of going directly for that soft fur, place your hand palm down, fingers loose roughly at the level of their head. Take care to move slowly and predictably. Usually, the cat will go for head butts against it. If it does, you've reached another level of relationship. You may pet the cat carefully, on the head for instance, with high chance of success.

Signs of fear or anger

All cats are different, their experiences with human too. Hence their behaviour cannot be predicted with certainty. However, there are typically clear signs to back away.

Whipping their tail

This usually shows impatience and is typically a warning. If petting, abort and build some distance. Let the cat cool down and come back to you.

Hunting eyes mode activated

When playing or petting them, cats become excitable. Sometimes, their eyes get a gaze that you can't mistake for anything but hunting instincts. It is best once again to leave them to cool down in such a case.

Folded back ears

If a cat both folds back their ears and starts looking with wide eyes, it's probably quite scared. Speak to it calmly and don't touch it. Don't back it in a corner. If for some reason (like bringing the cat to the vet) you do need to interact with it, seize it by the loose skin of their neck gently but with determination and be careful about your own skin and eyes. If its a feral cat, may god have mercy of your hide, consider calling the local wildlife services or using a net. Be wary not only about their teeth but their hind legs too. Good luck, it tends to never be a pleasant experience for both the cat and you, but it does not have to be traumatic or destroy your relationship.

Good and bad scritches

Again, all are different but cats usually love scratches behind their ears, under their chin, their neck and along their back. Basically, starting with places they can't easily reach is a good guess.

Paws are usually a low tolerance zone, as it tends to restrict their movements. Remember that cats are prey too so they tend to hate being deprived of their way to flee.

So is the belly, even though there are exceptions to the rule. Regarding the belly, if a cat suddenly flops down and looks at you, it is to catch your attention as it wants to interact with you. It shows its vulnerable underbelly to you. Do not betray its trust by going for its weak point right away. It's like a friend opening themselves up and sharing an awkward story just for you to make a hurtful joke out of it in the next second. In such a case, going on one knee and presenting the back of your hand can be a way to gauge whether they want pets or to play, depending on whether they transition to scent marking mode (pets) or start clawless grabs (play).

Saying no

Being kind and considerate to what is ultimately a much smaller creature does not mean being a slave to them. It is good to have clear boundaries such as "This area is not for you", "I won't feed you at this moment", "I do not want to play right now". Voice commands do work in my experience when used consistently. Do not be weak by sometimes tolerating a undesirable behaviour, as it will be confusing for all involved. Here, consistence is key to a sound relationship.

Otherwise, hissing and looking with angry eyes unblinkingly tends to work wonder to suggest to a cat to back off now in my experience.

Conclusion

Cats are neat. They are warm, soft, can develop quite interesting personalities, come to you all inquisitive when you're sad or can do all sort of funny things as the internet can broadly attest. They can be good little friends. By the way, while I make fast friends with cats, I am helpless with dogs... Interacting with them like I do with cats has over a 70% failure rate in my experience. I simply never grasped the protocol... Being scared of noise like I am probably does not help though, as barking quickly stresses me out. Anyway, may you encounter many friendly cats and may they find a good friend in you as well.

Post scriptum

Thank you zkbro for the good wishes! It feels unexpectedly warm to be read. I hope your journey into Linux goes well. It is one that personally brought me a lot of joy, especially in comparison with widespread but frustrating Windows systems or the sleek but restrictive Mac OS X experience. For me, it's a bit like learning to bake after having eaten supermarket pastries for most of your life. Not easy, but rarely as hard as one is expecting it to be and oh so rewarding.

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